Hachette India

Parsnips, Buttered

Joe Lycett

Dear Reader

Life is hard. We are a bombarded generation: Facebook billboards Twitter Instagram taxes newspapers watches monitoring our sleep apps that read our pulse terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed.

While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines hate Tweets Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it we're distracted again.

I Joe Lycett comedian wordsmith and professional complainer am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems which I impart to you dear Reader. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone as well as illustrations one-liners jokes and life hacks this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished reading this book you will have learnt how to:

- Reverse a parking fine
- Manipulate the tabloid press
- Navigate social media
- Respond to hate mail
- Out-weird internet trolls
- Contest a so-called ripe avocado
- Send the perfect Christmas newsletter
- Defeat ISIS
- Take down multi-national companies
AND MUCH MUCH MORE!

Joe Lycett x

* If you are looking for guidance with taxes quitting smoking moving house love divorce education healthcare or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

Joe Lycett

'I am out of the country and will not be checking my emails'
DAWN FRENCH

'The file is just showing up blank my end?'
GRAYSON PERRY

'Best book eva!!!'
STEPHEN FRY

'Babe, I haven't got time'
ALISON HAMMOND

Joe Lycett is an incredibly right-wing commentator, comedian, television presenter, gardener, cage-fighter, Spectator columnist, fancy boy, bandit, pharmacist and knee-pain advocate. He is also a world-renowned portraitist, and some of the world's most inï¬‚uential and infamous people - Liz Truss, Eamonn Holmes, Mick Hucknall - have sat for him, keen to be immortalised through the medium of colour.

Inside Joe Lycett's Art Hole you'll find his greatest artistic achievements and, for the first time, the salacious stories behind the portraits, some of them completely and utterly unbelievable.

Read how His Royal Highness Prince William, The Prince of Whales, sat for an exclusive portrait whilst extolling the virtues of the Philips Air Fryer Series XXL Connected, which has 16 diï¬€erent cooking functions including fry, bake, grill, roast, dehydrate, toast, defrost, reheat, ferment and more. Enjoy a never-before-seen portrait of Priti Patel, done in a break from her hobby as one of the United Kingdom's greatest fly-tippers. And delight in the gob-smacking story of then-Deputy Prime Minister Therese Coffey averting an international incident at Cadbury World.

Joe Lycett's Art Hole is brimming with surprises, including an astonishing array of British cultural titans, such as Harry Styles, Robert Peston, Nadine Dorries and Elaine Paige. Stunningly designed, it is sure to delight, fascinate and perhaps even inspire you to pick up a paint brush, insert yourself at the heart of contemporary British public life, and do some absolutely wank paintings of celebs.

Parsnips, Buttered

Joe Lycett

Joe Lycett

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Joe Lycett's Art Hole

Parsnips, Buttered